Writing a Letter to My Mom

Parenting Quotes and Sayings

One thing I am certain of is that we ALL have a mother!

After that simple fact, the stories vary greatly!  You might have a magnificent relationship with your mom – she may even be your best friend.  Maybe you have an average, acceptable relationship with your mom – but you know or wish it could be more.  Or perhaps you have NO relationship with her, based on a variety of possible circumstances.

My friend Amy Volk  recently blogged about the loss of her mother and challenged her readers to write a letter to their mother.  She gracefully granted permission to feel whatever emotions arose and shared that the exercise of writing this letter was intended for each of us as individuals – and not for that person we call ‘Mom’.

The history and details of my relationship with my mother are too long and complex for one blog post – but the end result is that we have been estranged for 16 years (with just minimal email contact).  Prior to that, although we weren’t estranged, it was far from a normal or healthy relationship.  My story doesn’t have a good beginning followed by a bad ending.  So the lack of relationship with my mother these past 16 years doesn’t occur as a loss to me – but rather a freedom!  And yet, she’s still my mom!

I did my share of self-reflection and spent years attempting to fix or change the reality of our relationship, until I finally  came to a place where I believed I was complete.  I could accept the lack of relationship with my mother, knowing that I would most definitely, absolutely, positively do things DIFFERENTLY with my children!


Then I read Amy’s blog post ‘Letters to My Mom’  and the tears slowly began to swell in my eyes until one drop at a time they gently spilled over and trickled down my cheeks.  As I continued to let her words sink in I was blanketed in a flurry of emotions that quite frankly startled me.   Maybe I wasn’t as complete as I had previously believed I was.  In that moment, I decided I would not only personally take Amy up on her challenge, but I would pay her message forward and make sure I too challenged everyone I could to take the opportunity, regardless of the circumstances and their story, to write a letter to their mom.

I will share my letter with you in my next post.

If you accept my challenge, I would be honored if you shared your ‘Mom’ letter with me (confidentially or publicly – your choice).

with Joy & Gratitude,


  1. Martha Price says:

    Wow Debi, i am overwhelmed when i read the title of your first blog “Writing a letter to my Mom” I thought to myself…wow she is hitting it hard, straight out of the park from the get go! You are addressing things in your life and how they impacted you. I have always admired how you have handled this situation in your life and grateful for Amy in helping you express yourself and share it with us. Did you send her the letter personally or are you just writing it as therapy? I could do the same. I might take you up on your challenge. :) Thanks for your share…it made me want to read it and tune in for your next blog! Have an awesome day and thanks for being YOU!

    • Martha,
      I am absolutely NOT sending her my letter! You could choose to share it with your mom or not! The purpose for me of this particular letter was more a completion for ME. A way for me to fully express everything I needed to say. I don’t need her to read it! But every situation is different. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The point though is to DO IT! Thinking about it doesn’t change anything! I promise you’ll find great value in this!!! xoxo

  2. This is a hard thing to read…not sure if I can take up the challenge just yet, but will consider it. I look forward to reading your letter though.

    • I hear ya Beck! Trust me – I know! That wasn’t easy for me – but oh so needed! I will share the REAL letter on Friday! I don’t hold back – I kept it really real!!! It felt good – all the way around. I love you my sister!

  3. Mary Jane Stark says:

    Debi, this is really great and really hits home for me. I was estranged from my mother since, I believe, 1995. There was never any further contact until about 5 years ago when I sent her one letter asking her why. In my heart, I felt like I divorced my mother as that was the only way I could mentally survive. I may take up your challenge and write my mother and share it with you. I did though, about a month ago (my mother passed away about 4 years ago) have a long talk with her, telling her about the hurts and the slights and how I felt and asked her why. It kind of made me feel better but only slightly. When is your next blog?

    • Hey Mary Jane,
      Thank you for sharing your story with me! That means SO much to me – that my story can and will touch someone else. Since your mother has passed away chances are you will never have the answer to your question of ‘WHY’. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still work through your emotions by writing to her. I guess the point I”m trying to make is if you are seeking answers you will be unfulfilled. If you are seeking completion for yourself (knowing you wont have answers) – this is one possible step! I would love for you to share it with me! My next post will publish on Friday 6/7 – and it will be the actual letter I wrote to my mom! The best way to not miss any of my upcoming blog posts is to ‘subscribe’ and when I publish a post it will show up in your email in box!

  4. Debi I am so proud of you for being willing to dig deep and “go there”.
    The letters to our moms is just that…letter(s). There are so many layers to that relationship and healing takes place in stages, just like a real wound does.
    You know my story and there are more letters to write to her as situations will open up the need and the want.
    Thanks for taking this journey with me. Love ya.

    • So interesting you say that – because I’ve already thought about so many other things, different things that I could have or should have said in my REAL letter to my mom (posting it tomorrow). You say layers and I think of peeling back the layers of an onion. I am so grateful I can take this journey WITH you!

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